Have you ever tried so hard to become better at something, but no matter what it always seems like you either stay the same or get worse at it? Yeah, that's where I am right now. Then when I can see that I'm not getting any better, I get so frustrated with myself that it makes the whole thing worse. Ugh.
Dude, sometimes being a Christian is like that for me. I know how awesome it feels to be close to God and then I get frustrated when I'm not as close as I used to be and THEN it's harder for me to be motivated to become that close to God again. It's a cycle.
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